Mature Audience Only: Not Ready For Prime Timetherapy

08.30.2008 - Eddy's Dead
Eddy's dead... I keep saying this over and over in my head. Yeah, yeah, it's been a week, I know that's not a lot of time, since I was busy with other things, but this thing still keeps coming back. I'm finally over the tension headache I've had for a week, that's good, and my back isn't hurting, at least for today, so I can at least feel "normal" again. And I'm glad I'm sorta moving on with my life, for a while I was just stunned. I admit it, it shook me to the bone, my life, his life, life in general.

09.01.2008 - Headaches and Sorrow
Well, the headache seems to come and go, and I'm still listening to Shock Opera's Mer De Mente, especially Eddy's songs. You think one day you'll see your friends again, you make plans in your head to either take a trip some day to visit, but time keeps drifting on and I find myself still at home or just making short trips down the coast, anything under 3 hours max. I seem to just sit in front of my computer clicking nowhere, I did email eddy an email last week, it didn't come back, so it's out there somewhere, just like all the other emails I sent for the last couple of years, waiting for a reply, which will not come. Sick? yeah, I still don't have any surge of energy to do anything except make these stupid blogs, empty writings to no one and nothing.

09.17.2008 - Nothing
I got nothing... I still haven't been able to break out of this dead funk. My mind is totally empty when I try to create an Ad or a webpage...it's getting really frustrating and obnoxious. I have two Ads that need to be done next week, and all that comes out is sh*t!, on top of that I have a meeting today to do a makeover of a website and hopefully this creative blank page will lift soon.

10.04.2008 - Getting Back to Normal
It's been a couple of weeks now, and I think I'm back to normal, after trew's death, my mojo for art and my muse are back and I'm happy about that.

10.04.2008 - 700B Bailout
Congress has passed the bailout bill and I'm thinking...did someone just take us again for some money for their own pockets?...I'm thinking yeah.

12.07.2008 - Recession
Recession and Seattle have finally hit home, my home, not only have I not really worked full time lately or even part-time, I now seemed to have lost my health benefits from the State as well, so recession is causing a major depression. On top of all this Friday was my mother's 5 death anniversary and an old friend called that day to tell me her husband recently died, so a sad state of affairs is going all around this christmas holiday season.

01.01.2009 - The Negative
I know it's a new year, but I still have a new cold sore forming and along with it a twitch in my chin. Do I feel happy, no, am I happy, no, and yes. Maybe. It's just that I must see the negative in everything, I really haven't changed that much since I was younger, I saw the negative then too, so I guess we never do change, after almost 54 years I'm still the same ol' negative thinking me.

01.07.2009 - The Negative Continues
Let's see, 8th day of a cold sore, horrendous looking lip, and we went out shopping, so everybody looked. Our van had a fatal error of some sort, brakes and power steering went out together, luckily we were parking at home at the time, otherwise it might have happened on the freeway, and God knows what would've happened. On top of everything else I have a very painful ingrown toenail, and it's raining cats and dogs, and I'm getting really upset about it all. I don't even want to go into friendship/workship/whatevership situations that are ripping me. So far, 2009 is pretty much like 2008, maybe even worst.

01.11.2009 - Frustration!
Aghh!!!!! I can't believe it!! I can't come up with anything creative lately, I'm literally "drawing" a blank on everything and it's soooo frustrating!!!!! I'm so close to finishing up the website and poster and yet, nothing ever comes out...it's depressing to say the least. At least the cold sore and ingrown toenail are healing up, now if only my mental processes would also heal to where I can create something and be happy...maybe it's SAD, I literally have not seen the sun for almost a month, well, that's a lie, I did see it for about a minute a day or two ago, but that's not enuff!

SIDE NOTE** I waited for a month for the last episode of Stargate Atlantis, and what did I do? I had 3 shots of Grey Goose and 4 Corona's, do I remember the episode? No, but I do remember Ghost Whisperer before and Psych after...ain't thata bitch...

01.13.2009 - Granny's Death Anniversary
So I'm sitting here with my stomach tied up in knots wondering why I feel so sick and I again realize, today is the 6th anniversary of my grandmother's death. She basically raised me and was probably my only family ally and foe altogether, you know, families, they make and break you at the same time. But, whoa, my stomach's twisted fierce! Guess who after 2 months is copying again tonight, thats' right sicko! Not only am I working tonight, Judy isn't getting off until 8pm, so I can't even go in until then, dude, I have the best luck.

01.15.2009 - What a Difference a Day Makes!
Spent the day just doing nothing really, didn't try any new designs, didn't make any new code concepts, yesterdays work load just burnt me out on everything today. Spent yesterday putting a sitemap xml google search root directory file on a website that the client wanted to be closer if not on the first page of a google search, that was a fun task to do. I even had to copy at the copy shop for over 4 hours that night, so I was pretty much tired of doing anything and so, today, I did just that...nothing. whoopee.

01.19.2009 - Good Morning Migraine
First thing I noticed after opening my eyes this morning was the fun fun aura of a migraine, so I closed my eyes and went back to sleep for a bit more, this might have helped, but that's a first for me. Never had a migraine upon waking up, had a nagging slight headache all day, but not an all out migraine painer.

02.10.2009 - Lost
My BNL has the big C, and it's not a happy time, we're all in disbelief and sadness, and we hope it all turns out well. I don't know what to think for the past few months, too many "young" people facing turmoil and pain. I lost Eddy, my friend Joanne lost her husband, my friend Bob is having difficulties, and now my BNL and his problems. We never leave this earth, we're always a part of it in some way. Molecular always is a part of the atomic particles that envelope this realm of existence, it's just the thought process I'm still dealing with understanding. What happens to "us" when the body stops functioning. I don't have the answer, but I'm trying to understand it.

02.13.2009 - All is Not Lost - What a difference a Week Makes
My BNL has the big C which we found out last Friday, and he may be getting close to finishing up fighting it off. He has to get some therapy at UCLA and hopefully his body can fight the rest of the rouge c cells. So we're moving forward looking good.

03.02.2009 - I Hate Packing
Time for a birthday getaway. Mesa, AZ, 80 and sunny, maybe a chance of rain later in the week, but gotta be better than Seattle. I'm not getting anything done, keep messing around in Facebook, and not packing or anything!

04.29.2009 - The World
Funny how you, well, "me" think I live away from everything, at least try to. I really don't want the pandemic that's happening and I really don't want the recession to hit home, but it looks like both are invading my "isolation". The recession has hit my 401K like everyone, plus now maybe my health insurance, since it's state based. Now the H1N1 flu, (which I had a shot in 1976 for, btw) is at Level 5, and..., so basically, the world is invading my quiet isolation.

05.01.2009 - A Boy and His Dog have Left the Building
I think at 11pm, Frank and his dog have left the building, going back to Cali. 3 years as our upstairs neighbor, with a huge dog that barked at anything, and not a goodbye, just 3 days of loading and off he goes.

06.05.2009 - Slacking
I've been busy with Ads and website updates, and Facebook, that I seem to be neglecting my own blogosphere and news. I guess everything is being updated in Facebook lately.

07.03.2009 - Ed
Deb emailed me about today was Ed's birthday, I was focusing more on next month, the day he died instead of the day he was born, thanks Deb. Again with too busy to keep up with the blogosphere, but, I'll give it a try. We went to Oregon a couple of weeks ago, in the high desert, where it was partly sunny 2 out of 4 days and rainy the other two. The road into the place had a sign that said impassable when wet, so when it rained for 8 hours continually, we left before being stuck 40 miles from nowhere. But we had a good time, only saw 4 people in 4 days, only for moments at that. Good to get away, just the two of us. We also went to Kalama, WA for a overnighter, stayed in a hotel and ate dinner in a mexican restaurant with Bruce and Becky, so that was good too, not the desert but the high mountains, saw Mt. Rainier, Mt. Adams, Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Hood all in one view vista.

09.28.2009 - Summer's Gone
This has been a hot sunny summer in Seattle, broke a lot of records, even made it to 103, and stupid me went out for a bike ride, which I almost died from, seriously I was sooo overheated inside and out. I thought I'd never make it home again. It was so drastic that I haven't really been out biking since. Just a couple of times and they weren't fun at all. Judy and I spent 3 months this summer in the van going to Oregon 3x and Idaho, then down the coast to Santa Barbara and back. Lots of time on the road and camping. I made it, even though I don't really like camping, but we managed to get through it. It wasn't that bad, some of it was really fun, just depended on the place and people.
Now we're back, have been for a couple of weeks, the longest we've been in one place all summer, and it's a little strange, getting back into the homelife. Back to doing some Ads and webdesign changes, and researching JavaScript so I can continue thinking about learning ActionScript. Not really working much for money, so things are getting tight, my one place where I work hasn't called me back since May, and it's starting to pinch a little, a couple possiblities of websites haven't panned out and no one is really redoing the current ones, so, as I said all summer, "it is what it is" and that's all I can do about it. I guess.

11.03.2009 - Another Friend Gone
I was googling my friend Jim Coffin today, when I came across an obituary about his wife, Barbara, and read she was preceded in death by young, Jim Coffin, I was shocked of course, I'm always shocked when I hear about a good friend who I will no longer be able to talk to or see again. I don't even know when or how he died. I last talked, via internet a few years ago, as usual with all my close friends, who have passed on, (Eddy) and now another huge impacting person has left the surface of the planet. Jim not only taught me animation, all aspects, from the movieola to hand cranking editing and tape binding film etc, he taught me about good cigars, good black and tans and great humor. His door literally was open all the time and he always welcomed me into his home and basement. I'm gonna miss you young Jim Coffin, miss you a lot.

03.15.2010 - Another Break-In, this time just an attempt.
We went out shopping for a few hours, I came home to open the door and I heard our alarm on our bedroom window going off, looks like the window frame was kicked in a bit but got jammed up and the alarm was going. Hopefully, that chased them away, at least for today. Called the cops, but we're in one of "those" neighborhoods, so take a report and put us on the stats.